The other day while waiting to be seated at a restaurant, I overheard another patron talking about how it's a common problem in the area that restaurants need servers.
I have a pretty high sense of self and feel like I can do a lot of things pretty well. I wouldn't want to be a server, but I could probably do a decent job at it, as I feel I could at most jobs. I started thinking about how there are so many jobs I could do well, but it's up to others to do these jobs (whether they can do them well or not) since I am otherwise employed (ie. full-time teacher, mom, housekeeper, etc.).
It reminded me about Mom's journal from when her youngest started kindergarten. For those who haven't had this happen: to be a stay-at-home mom and have your youngest child start school means that for the first time in (however many years it's been since your first child was born....in my mom's case - 9 years) you now have time to yourself. Not just the few minutes it takes to go to the bathroom or the hour or two that kids are down for a nap or the stolen time after the kids are in bed...we're talking a good seven hours or so from the time that you get the kids on the bus to the time they get off the bus back at home.
In her journal, Mom wrote about how she was so excited to have some time to do the things. You know those things that many moms perpetually have on their to-do list and rarely get to do: things like exercise, get the house clean, write letters, visit with friends, read a book, finish projects, start projects! She even thought briefly about having another child, but was so excited about this "mom-only time" that the thought quickly passed. I remember reading it and thinking "Well that's kind of sad that she was so excited about not having us kids around." Like shouldn't she just love us so much that she would spend all of her waking hours either being with us or wishing she were with us? I thought she missed us the whole time we were at school! Obviously this was before I had kids.
I'm not saying moms spend all of their time wishing they could get rid of their kids (at least I hope not...otherwise why did you have kids in the first place!?). But it is certainly a demanding job that awards very little down time. Many a woman has lost herself in the role. It can be great to have time to do something simply because it is something that one wants to do! (Like writing a blog post at midnight just to get thoughts down in print.)
So what does this all have to do with a "Help Wanted" sign?
1. That simple help wanted sign got me thinking about how I've enjoyed many of the aspects of jobs I've had: the work itself, the social aspect, the dressing nice and knowing my clothes aren't going to get ruined, the sense of achievement, the paycheck.
2. The memory of mom being excited that she could utilize her time when all of her kids were in school in ways that didn't directly involve them - including working at a job.
3. The realization that my kids are both officially school age as of this year.
4. The further realization that since I homeschool, I may never get that "free time" that comes when the youngest child finally goes off to school.
That last one is a big deal. I might not get a large, regular chunk of time to do with as I please for a very long time. Homeschooling is a big commitment. I know this. But before this year it didn't make that much of a difference whether they were both home or not because at least one would be home anyway. I realized that, if I chose, I could send them both off to school and have a large part of the day to do whatever I want. I could finally finish Easton's scrapbook/baby book. I could do family history. I could go to the temple. I could get a job and have my own income. I could take classes and even get a degree. I could clean the house in the morning and have it stay clean clear till the afternoon!
I could. I'll be honest, the realization was a little hard to swallow. Thankfully there's something bigger to me - bigger than a clean house or checking off those perpetual to do items or even a second income. I'm thankful for all of the witnesses I have been given that homeschooling is right for our family. I can hold to those experiences, that knowledge, those feelings until the "hard to swallow" feeling passes.
It's not the first time and certainly not the last time that something about homeschooling has been a harder choice. Sure I would love to have hours each day, but more than that I would love to see the excitement in my children as they learn something new that interests them. Sure I would love an extra paycheck, but more than that I would rather learn as a family and, through teaching, discover things I never knew I never knew. Sure I would love all of those other things I listed, but more than all of them I would rather feel that tender spirit as I take advantage of a learning opportunity that comes when they ask me a question that only I could answer in the way that's just right for them. Yes, there are a lot of jobs that I could do well. But right now, there is one job that no one else can do as well as I, and it's the most important job I could be doing.
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